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Teen & Parent Chat: 6 Ways To Communicate Clearly

Teen & Parent Chat: 6 Ways To Communicate Clearly

Posté le 05.12.2007 par dshowgirl
Hi Parents,

How would you like to have a closer relationship with your teen again?

Your ability to communicate effectively with your teen is one of the most precious skills you can develop to achieve this goal.

When we think of communication, we tend to think only of the way we can express ourselves. While that is certainly important, listening is the single most crucial of all communication skills.

As a mother of two teenage boys, I know that it isn't always easy to communicate well with your teen.

It's particularly frustrating when they aren't talking to you. However, when I started applying these techniques to our lives, I found that we started getting along better almost immediately.wow goldwow goldWith less arguing between us, our relationship became stronger.

1. Make Your Teen Your Focus

Give your teens your full attention. I know that this is a toughie, because we tend to be so busy. It seems as if we are always multi-tasking. However, it is important in clear communicating that you make a point of stopping what you are doing and really listen to your teens (rather than just hearing him). wow gold

When you give your teens your undivided attention, they will know that you care, because you took the time to listen, thereby increasing the chances that they will listen to you.

2. Get the Details

Hear what your teen is really saying! Teens tend to give terse answers to questions,wow goldleaving out details that may be important. It's up to you to be able to get them to open up and draw them into a conversation.

Here is an example:

Teen: "I hate my teacher!"
Parent: "Oh, you don't really mean that!"
Teen: "Yes, I do. I double hate him!"
Parent: "Well, I don't want to hear that kind of talk. I am sure you don't really hate him!" wow goldTeen: "Yes, I do so. I hate all teachers!"
Parent: "Do you think hating your teachers is going to get you a good mark?"

And on and on the arguing goes….

Here’s an alternative:

Teen: "I hate my teacher!"
Parent: "Wow,World Of Warcraft powerlevelingWorld Of Warcraft powerlevelingyou don't normally hate anybody. What did he do to get you talking like that?"
Teen: "A couple of kids didn't have their homework finished again today, so he decided to punish all of us by giving us a math test tomorrow!"
Parent: "That doesn't sound very fair!"
Teen: "No, it isn't fair at all. I wanted to go over to Rachel's tonight to hang out and listen to music. Instead I have to study for that stupid test. I am so mad at my teacher! He ruins everything!"
Parent: (Just listening.)

This teen was able to express herself, and she felt validated by her parent.

You will notice that the parent didn't argue about the feelings the teen had. The parent listened and was not judgmental. You don't have to agree with your teen’s feelings. World Of Warcraft powerlevelingYou only need to acknowledge them. There is no such thing as a wrong feeling. We can’t help what our teens may feel. We should set limits, however, on behaviors that don’t conform to what we consider to be appropriate behavior.

Expressing one's feelings is a healthy thing; although negative expressions of one’s feelings should be avoided,World Of Warcraft powerlevelingsuch as screaming or name calling. A good way to avoid this is using time-outs--wait and continue the conversation when everybody has calmed down.

3. Open-Ended Questions

Questions can be crucial to communicating with your teens. Ask questions that they can't answer with only a yes or a no.

For example in the above scenario the parent could ask the teen, "What could you do to help your teacher change his mind about the test?"

Teen: "I am not sure. This guy is so stubborn!"
Parent: "What if you talk to him and come up with better ways for him to deal with the kids that aren't doing their homework?"
Teen: "Mmhhh, maybe I could give it a try."

4. Criticize Behavior, Not Your Teen

Moving from the listening to the talking part of communication, your focus shifts. When you want to see a change in your teens’ behavior, using the following structure can be very helpful. “When you______, I feel______, because I need______.” This wording (known as “I“ message) doesn't attack your teens’ personality. Instead it merely talks about an action of theirs that you'd like to change and why.

Here is a scenario you might relate to: World Of Warcraft powerlevelingThe chores were not done. Your teen went out instead. This example does not show the best way of communicating. It is a personal attack and makes statements you may not stick to anyway.

Parent: "You didn't do your chores! You are such a lazy slob! You never do your chores, and I always have to do them for you. World Of Warcraft powerlevelingNext time you don't do them, I am going to ground you for a week!
Teen: (Feels pretty lousy.)

Now here is an example using the “I” technique:

Parent: "When you didn't do your chores before going out, I felt really mad. We had an agreement about chores being done before going out, and I need you to do
your part of the chores, or I am stuck doing them for you.”
Teen: (Thinking.) “I guess that makes sense.”

Remember when you start a sentence with
“You are such and such,” you aren’t
communicating. You are criticizing!

5. Let the Consequence Fit the Action

A fairly big problem that parents run into is looking for suitable punishment for broken rules.wow powerlevelingHowever, the penalty applied usually isn't related to the teens’ action. As parents, we need to show our teens that each choice they make has consequences, but the discipline needs to be appropriate.

Parents tend to punish their teens by taking away something the adolescent enjoys, World Of Warcraft powerlevelingfor example no TV for a week. Let’s take the earlier example of the chores not being done, such as the laundry left in a heap. It would be more beneficial to the development of your teen if you base the penalty on a natural connection between his action and the punishment. A good way of showing the consequences to his action in this instance would be having him do your laundry as well as his next time,world of warcraft power levelingsince you had to do his this time. When following such a step, you are practicing "silent communication". This means letting him experience the natural consequences of his actions. This technique speaks louder than any words ever could. It illustrates to all people that they will be held accountable for what they do.

As they grow, teens tend to receive more privileges from parents. It is important for them to realize that more responsibility goes along with the extra freedom.

6. Using Descriptive Praise

We all praise our teen sometimes. We tell them, "You are a smart kid.” Perhaps you might say, "You are a good piano player.” We mean well, but unfortunately this kind of praise doesn't bring the desired effect of making your teen feel good about himself. wow power levelingWhy is that? It is because what we are doing is evaluating their actions. With this type of praise, we aren’t giving evidence to support our claims, and this makes the praise fall flat and seem empty and unconvincing.

We need to describe in detail what they are doing. As your teen recognizes the truth in your words, he can then evaluate his actions and credit himself where he feels the praise has merit.

Here is an example with evaluating praise:

Teen: "Hey, Ma, I got a 90 on my geometry test!"
Parent: "Fantastic! You are a genius!"
Teen: (Thinking) "I wish. I only got it 'cause Paul helped me study. He is the genius."

Here is an example with descriptive praise:

Teen: "Hey, Ma, I got a 90 on my geometry test!"
Parent: "You must be so pleased. You did a lot of studying for that test!"
Teen: (Thinking) "I can really do geometry when I work at it!"

Describing your teens’ action rather then evaluating them with an easy "good" or "great" or labeling them with "slow learner" or "scatterbrain" isn't easy to do at first, because we are all unaccustomed to doing that. However, wow power levelingonce you get into the habit of looking carefully at your teen's action and putting into words what you see, you will do it more and more easily and with growing pleasure.

Adolescents need the kind of emotional nourishment that will help them become independent, creative thinkers and doers, wow power levelingwho aren't looking to others for approval all the time. With this sort of praise, teens will trust themselves, and they won’t need everybody else's opinion to tell them how they are doing.

Another challenging problem concerns when and how we criticize our teens. Instead of pointing out what's wrong with your teen’s actions, wow power levelingtry describing what is right followed by what still needs doing.

Example: Your teen hasn't done his laundry yet.

Parent: "How is the laundry coming?
Teen: "I am working on it."
Parent: "I see that you picked up your clothes in your room and in the family room and put it in the hamper. You are half way there."

This parent talks with encouragement,wow power levelingacknowledging what has been done so far, rather then pointing out what hasn't been done yet.

For more helpful information and examples on good communication with your child, I highly recommend a book by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish called How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So They Will Talk, published by Harper, ISBN 0380811960.

There’s a teen version of the book called How to Talk so Teens Will Listen, ISBN 0060741252.

"Parents need to fill a child's bucket of self-esteem so high that the rest of the world can't poke enough holes in it to drain it dry."

- Alvin Price

Another great place to find stories that support and encourage your Teen is in the Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul book series authored by Mark Victor Hansen and Debbie Reber.!


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:: Les commentaires des internautes

good
Posté par sendra le 05.10.2008
Voor vrouwen, hebben de horloges van Cellini Rolex rang één verscheidenheid van kwartshorloges van uitstekende kwaliteit. Slechts heeft rang één de Japanse replica replica Rolex de hogere rangen stevige steelband. L'articolo parla del valore delle vigilanze della replica di Rolex per il proprietario della vigilanza. Avere una replica di Rolex è sempre un buon pensiero.

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good
Posté par sendra le 05.10.2008
Voor vrouwen, hebben de horloges van Cellini Rolex rang één verscheidenheid van kwartshorloges van uitstekende kwaliteit. Slechts heeft rang één de Japanse replica replica Rolex de hogere rangen stevige steelband. L'articolo parla del valore delle vigilanze della replica di Rolex per il proprietario della vigilanza. Avere una replica di Rolex è sempre un buon pensiero.

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ROLEX
Posté par girlteam le 06.10.2008
O dinheiro da economia em uma Rolex Date significa que você não pode se aproveitar de tais caraterísticas surpreendentes que lhe fazem um relógio da qualidade superior. Che cosa compone una vigilanza di Rolex della replica è semplice: un prezzo più poco costoso, una qualità differente ed arte differente. Ceci a complexe conçu le morceau de flashes d'art sa toute la monture de diamant d'encart. Chaque marqueur d'heure est un diamant attendant pour envoyer une étincelle à travers la salle.


ROLEX
Posté par girlteam le 09.10.2008
Vous la devez vous-même pour découvrir comment vous pouvez obtenir vos mains sur une reproduction suisse bien faite Rolex. Waarom besteed duizenden dollars aan een polshorloge wanneer u voor een paar honderd kunt hebben dat precies het zelfde kijkt? De datum van de Dag Pearlmaster van de Oester van replicaRolex Eeuwige heeft zelfs de naam replica Rolex het kroonembleem in alle juiste plaatsen. Deze huisvesting samen met andere strakke tolerantie en eigenschappen is wat President Rolex om aan een graad waterdicht toestaat te zijn. President Rolex wordt duidelijk ontworpen en voor wereldleiders, stafmedewerkers, en andere hoge dollarmensen specifiek gericht die zich hen kunnen veroorloven.


MM
Posté par MM le 13.10.2008
Todos estos asuntos son los principios de base y los objetivos de una reproducción de Rolex. Nichts schlägt echtes Rolex für Qualität, Haltbarkeit, und das innere dieses Gefühl besitzen Sie das Beste des Besten, das das Leben anbieten muss. Einige der subtilen Unterschiede zwischen einer Rolex-Replik und how to spot a fake rolex Sachen wie die Luftblase in dem Datum vergrößert nicht außerdem, oder die Ränder sind nicht ziemlich so glatt, oder sie ist nicht wie schwer, weil die Goldverbindungen nicht vollständig fest sind-. Nur Sie beachten das Gewicht der Uhr, es sei denn Sie sie beseitigen und sie jemand übergeben.


ROLEX
Posté par girlteam le 16.10.2008
replica Rolex


Rolex
Posté par alex le 17.10.2008
La disponibilità della replica Rolex è inoltre facile ed il trasporto è veloce. Invece di ottenerti una vigilanza di nessun-nome dovreste comprare una replica di Rolex della tacca della parte superiore; è di gran lunga l'opzione di secondo meglio dopo Rolex autentico famoso e (ad alcuno) intoccabile. Zij bevatten de gehele waaier van inzameling van Daytona Rolex replica gelanceerd. De kwaliteit van de gebruikte producten is ook vrij prijzenswaardig met het gebruik als 904L roestvrij staal voor de horloges sorteerde om een vrij veel gelijkaardige kwaliteit te geven, aangezien het zelfde staal door het bedrijf van Rolex zelf wordt gebruikt.


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Posté par kungfu le 17.10.2008
Vengono con un grande rivestimento e sopportano la somiglianza più vicina a Rolex originale. ¿Sin embargo, qué usted hace replica rolex watch parece ser lejano fuera de su alcance? ¡Bien, comprar una reproducción de Rolex! Una reproducción de Rolex no es nada sino un duplicado de la materia original que se puede traer en un precio mucho más bajo que el precio del reloj original. Das Problem schaut nicht aber in Betracht der Tatsache groß, dass, während Rolex ungefähr 750. 000 Stücke ein Jahr herstellt, die Rolex-Replikindustrie ungefähr 10 bis 25mal so das mag.

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Rolex Replica Info
Posté par Adam James le 19.10.2008
De eigenschappen van de replica Rolex hebben, samen met het replica productieproces verbeterd en om het even welke goede handelaar van replicaRolex is om zich achter hun woord, en hun product te bevinden bereid. Los materiales usados en los modelos y los productos daytona replica la reproducción no están obviamente como puro o los materiales exactos, sin embargo, en la reproducción de gama alta, no son también definitivamente componentes y materiales sin valor. Jammer genoeg niet, zijn deze fabrikanten in de zelfde wereld zoals ons, dat die ons beïnvloedt hen onvermijdelijk zullen beïnvloeden. De replica Rolex, enkel zoals de originele producten van Rolex, is ook een lange manier in termen van ontwikkeling en kwaliteit gekomen.

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Rolex Replica Info
Posté par Adam James le 19.10.2008
De eigenschappen van de replica Rolex hebben, samen met het replica productieproces verbeterd en om het even welke goede handelaar van replicaRolex is om zich achter hun woord, en hun product te bevinden bereid. Los materiales usados en los modelos y los productos daytona replica la reproducción no están obviamente como puro o los materiales exactos, sin embargo, en la reproducción de gama alta, no son también definitivamente componentes y materiales sin valor. Jammer genoeg niet, zijn deze fabrikanten in de zelfde wereld zoals ons, dat die ons beïnvloedt hen onvermijdelijk zullen beïnvloeden. De replica Rolex, enkel zoals de originele producten van Rolex, is ook een lange manier in termen van ontwikkeling en kwaliteit gekomen.

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Rolex
Posté par Alexa le 20.10.2008
Embora isto seja verdadeiro, os relógios de Rolex da réplica são muito populares pelo mundo inteiro. Rolex är en av de mest berömda och mest sought-after formgivarna av dyra och kicken prissatte klockor. L'olio anche se essere sintetico poichè sostenuto si asciugherà in pochi anni e quindi dovete cambiare regolarmente l'olio all'intervallo di una coppia di anno. 26)


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Posté par kungfu le 20.10.2008
Vengono con un grande rivestimento e sopportano la somiglianza più vicina a Rolex originale. ¿Sin embargo, qué usted hace replica rolex watch parece ser lejano fuera de su alcance? ¡Bien, comprar una reproducción de Rolex! Una reproducción de Rolex no es nada sino un duplicado de la materia original que se puede traer en un precio mucho más bajo que el precio del reloj original. Das Problem schaut nicht aber in Betracht der Tatsache groß, dass, während Rolex ungefähr 750. 000 Stücke ein Jahr herstellt, die Rolex-Replikindustrie ungefähr 10 bis 25mal so das mag.

Lien vers mon blog

replica rolex watch
Posté par kungfu le 20.10.2008
Vengono con un grande rivestimento e sopportano la somiglianza più vicina a Rolex originale. ¿Sin embargo, qué usted hace replica rolex watch parece ser lejano fuera de su alcance? ¡Bien, comprar una reproducción de Rolex! Una reproducción de Rolex no es nada sino un duplicado de la materia original que se puede traer en un precio mucho más bajo que el precio del reloj original. Das Problem schaut nicht aber in Betracht der Tatsache groß, dass, während Rolex ungefähr 750. 000 Stücke ein Jahr herstellt, die Rolex-Replikindustrie ungefähr 10 bis 25mal so das mag.

Lien vers mon blog

Rolex
Posté par Manik le 22.10.2008
Vor dem Kauf solch einer Uhr, einen näheren Blick an ihm nehmen, um zu sehen, wenn es tatsächlich ein replica Rolex. La clasificación de una venda de metal de un rolex de la reproducción debe ser relativamente fácil. Sinon l'en considération pris, rouille créera les problèmes que seulement les réparations élevées de coût peuvent fixer. Pour se sauver de devoir traiter ces issues, font attention pour garder votre rolex de reproduction hors de l'eau.


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Posté par alex le 25.10.2008
¡Ser orgulloso de ella! 9 - El mecanismo del cambio del calendario de las reproducciones de RolexEl mecanismo del cambio del calendario de Rolex genuinoEl mecanismo del cambio del calendario de los relojes genuinos de Rolex pertenece al grupo de los progresos trademarked replica Rolex uma réplica Rolex não for essencialmente a coisa a desgastar quando indo mergulhar ou quando jogando na água, se certifica que você não testa a confiança de sua réplica Rolex, antes que você saiba é hora de começ livrado dele. Il y a bien plus de types de marchands de Rolex de reproduction en Internet, qui réellement n'ont pas une idée claire de ce qu'elles font. Elles sont relativement nouvelles dans les affaires et elles ont originaire l'inventaire d'un certain marché aux puces ou des accords obtenus de bateau de baisse avec d'autres revendeurs.


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Posté par Manik le 07.11.2008
De zo volgende tijd u blijft een horloge Rolex replica houdt deze uiteinden in mening. 9. Rolex Cellini en zijn replicaHans Waldron richtte Rolex in 1905 op en met vele octrooien werden de opmerkelijke inzamelingen Rolex spoedig de wereldleider in de horlogemakerijindustrie.


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Posté par shahin le 10.11.2008
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Teen & Parent Chat: 6 Ways To Communicate Clearly
Posté par SONIA le 12.11.2008
Ciò è una cosa importante da tenere presente quando state osservando per comprare una vigilanza. Se fate molta immersione subacquea, il mare fake rolex la vigilanza per voi.


Teen & Parent Chat: 6 Ways To Communicate Clearly
Posté par SONIA le 12.11.2008
Ciò è una cosa importante da tenere presente quando state osservando per comprare una vigilanza. Se fate molta immersione subacquea, il mare fake rolex la vigilanza per voi.




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